sometimes all i see are imperfections

hair: badly in need of a haircut

makeup: lipstick not fully able to cover my peeled and bleeding lip

outfit: cut from a dress but i'm always bloated so crop tops don't look good on me so i tucked in the shirt, but it doesn't hide my protruding stomach because i'm always slouching

I Wore a Push Up Bra for 7 Days

My mind was awakened the day my friend Michelle went braless for an empire waist dress with a fitted bust.

Since that fateful moment two years ago, I’ve stopped wearing bras unless it was absolutely necessary to conceal my nipples. I’ve also abandoned my push up bras after realizing how much they cater to the patriarchy.

In the last year, I’ve essentially only worn three bras, which I would cycle through the week and wash every six months if I could even quantify it as such: a nude unpadded Hanes bra, which I stole from my mom because it was so comfortable, an old white Victoria’s Secret bra, and a more padded nude bra for when I want to feel “more feminine.”

I was wearing that bra when I humored my aunt and let her buy me something at Victoria’s Secret’s Semi-Annual Sale. Upon seeing the bra I was wearing in the dressing room-after I lazily asked why we had to try on the bras if I knew they were going to fit based on my size-she made me promise I would trash it.

It was like a real life episode of What Not to Wear, where I told her I wear whatever's comfortable: why wear a bra when I don’t have to? On this day, I happened to be wearing one because my shirt was thin. Otherwise, I see no purpose in bras other than to hide nipples and use them to make my boobs look bigger in order to attract men.

My aunt didn’t buy any of this, but I begrudgingly accepted because I’d be stupid not to accept two free Victoria’s Secret bras and because I had to admit, I did have a posture problem. Somehow, my aunt convinced me that wearing a push up bra would fix it. What better way to test this theory than to wear push up bras for a whole week. Plus, I promised my aunt I would wear the bras-otherwise she wouldn’t have bought them for me.

Day 1:

To start the challenge, I chose to wear my favorite, old mint Victoria’s Secret bra with lace details on the straps and bands, which I scored for only $15. However, I stopped wearing it because it was too pretty to wear, and I had nowhere pretty to go. Additionally, my lazy habits had caused it to become dirty, as I just threw it into the wash with all of my other clothes. To prevent it from becoming even dirtier, I stopped wearing it.

I felt my posture improve, and my heavy bag felt lighter than normal as I walked into work. Was it actually the bra’s magical work or the heightened focus on my posture? I didn’t have an answer at the end of the day, but I did successfully separate my pretty and everyday push up bras when I got home.

Day 2:

Suffering from the guilt of wearing a pretty push up bra to work the day before, I opted for a more everyday nude push up bra from Rue21. This was a newer bra I hadn’t really worn. I quickly remembered why: it’s too big for me. Another reason why I stopped wearing push up bras was because of the boob to push up bra gap. I didn’t like the idea of faking big boobs with air essentially.

Most push up bras don’t fit people with small boobs, even though these are the people who would benefit from them the most. Victoria’s Secret has done the best at catering to the itty-bitty titty crowd in my personal experience. The only positive from this new bra was the intact straps. At the end of the day, I decided to remove it from my closet. With two new better-fitting options, there was no reason to keep this one around. I now see the value of trying on bras and not buying them blindly simply because they’re in your size, especially when you’re trying a new brand.

Day 3:

Back to Victoria’s Secret, as a pink everyday t-shirt bra was appropriate for this day off from work. However, it seemed stupid for me to wear a bra at home under a t-shirt that completely hides my nipples. Nevertheless, I had to complete the challenge, so I re-adjusted the loose straps on my bra and sucked it up. I ended up taking a nap with the bra on, taking a shower, and putting it back on in order to film a video. Bras were never uncomfortable to me; I was just too lazy to wear one, especially when I didn’t have to. Although I do have to admit that it felt good to finally take it off. I also have to acknowledge that my figure did look better with a bra on.

Day 4:

Today, I wore the first push up bra I ever got: a hot pink and sequined 21st birthday gift from my friend Julie. I wanted to wear a pretty white lace bra, another new one from Rue21, but the straps were too short and the boob to bra gap wide. The nude one and this white one are from my mom, who bought them for me without realizing that not all 32As are created equal.

Both of my options were too pretty to wear on yet another regular day, but I was out of non-pretty push up bras. I still had my neon green extra push up bra, which I bought after my introduction to push ups, but it smelled and looked dirty, so I hand washed it with my two new bras: another reason why I stopped wearing bras; I thought they were such a hassle to wash. I was wrong though because I actually enjoyed hand washing them today. It was the first time in almost two years I hand washed something, and it was nice: I cleaned the bathroom sink, filled it with water and detergent, and Voila! Magic.

It’s a good thing I appreciate hand washing clothes now because the bra smelled after a day of cooking, washing dishes, moving and taking apart furniture as well as months without a wash. It was definitely too nice of a bra to wear with the same t-shirt I wore yesterday as well as do chores in, but it’s a good thing I did because otherwise, it would have never made it to the hamper.

Day 5:

I opted for the neon green extra push up bra from yesterday’s wash to match my teal Phofest shirt. Despite it being an extra push up bra, it was pretty comfy with only a narrow boob to bra gap. Good job, Charlotte Russe. Even though I just washed it, it smells bad again because I sweated simply from driving to the bank and the store. Posture update: it’s still pretty pathetic, so there goes my hypothesis.

Day 6:

I finally got into the new bras. I chose the soft pink one first because I love the double strap design and color. The second pair of straps are black with “Victoria’s Secret” printed in white. It is the first front-clasp bra I own. As a result, I had to drastically adjust the straps to get it to fit right. Do I just have an extra long torso or something?

My boobs definitely felt nice with the bra on, but I sweated just from going outside and moving my car. This is why I don’t wear bras if I don’t have to: I don’t want the extra laundry.

Day 7:

After yet another day from sweating, I was definitely over it because I didn’t put on a bra until 4:00 p.m., and I only did it because someone was coming to check out my coffee table. I probably should have done this challenge on days when I actually had to leave the house, but this new black one has a lattice racer back, so it’s definitely a more sporty and casual push up, perfect for days like this.

Bonus Day:

I had one non-strapless push up bra left and a day at work, so I wore it and lived to tell the tale of the Cosmopolitan black and pink embroidered push up bra with a front bow detail that makes boys think I have a B cup. The Victoria’s Secret sales associate who measured me when I was with my aunt also thought I was a B cup, so it’s not just boys who are clueless about bras and boobs. I knew the nude bra made me bustier. This black one makes me bustier because it is so friggin’ tight. As a result, my posture was slightly better because I had to stand and sit straight to keep the bra from suffocating me. It became more uncomfortable when I came home and started slouching. In the end, I was glad to rid my body of it and end my experiment.

I set on this challenge hoping to change my mind about bras and improve my posture, but the hot summer heat only made me want to wear less clothing. Push up bras do help me fill out my clothes and look more presentable like my aunt said it would, but I still haven’t found a good reason to start caring about my looks again other than to impress a man. Yes, I feel beautiful when I’m wearing a push up bra because they are undeniably cute, but I also feel beautiful when I’m not wearing one, and that’s what matters the most.

Femininity has a new meaning now, and it doesn’t have to include push up bras. Women want equal rights, and we’re going to get it without pushing our boobs together. Push up bra? Nah, I prefer pushing up the glass ceiling, but thanks, now I'll look damn good while doing it. I think I found my reason again.

Halloween BTS

My outfit inspiration came from Ari's performance at A Concert for Charlottesville, which I had the pleasure of attending. It was my second time seeing her perform this year. I had a grey sports bra, so that was easy to imitate. Replicating her signature ponytail was not as easy. My arms got tired from trying to lift my hair up as high as possible, and in the end, it just fell into a regular ponytail. I would have needed extensions to get the hair exactly right. For the makeup, I tried to follow a video tutorial with the makeup I had. You can't even see my eyeshadow in the final black and white image, which is actually good because I did not have a red-brown eyeshadow like the Youtuber or Ari. I think the most important part was the winged liner and full lashes, which I think I nailed given my supplies. 

Outfit inspo

I kind of look like a boxer, but check out the makeup.

Halloween 2017

I Give Up On Fashion

I give up on fashion because it costs too much, nothing looks on me, and everything is ugly: I just want a nice pair of jeans without any holes or a design on the back pockets!

Fall has descended, which means it's time for me to hate my fall/winter wardrobe again. I got rid of my old coats and exchanged them for "new" ones from Goodwill and a friend (I'm not going into much detail because I think I might do a look book), but I still had a lot of items I'm not satisfied with. 

Yesterday, I tried pairing my mint green sweater with a grey vest and a pair of white jeans. It was not a good look. With this outfit, I transformed into a middle aged white man, and I did not like it. The white jeans looked so bad because it ironically was from the kid's section so it did not hug my curves at all. I tried on the vest with another outfit the next day, and it just felt constricting. These items clearly had to go. I kept the sweater because I still like the look I created with it last year, but later that night, I went through my wardrobe and filtered out more clothes I didn't want. The items I chose to give away were worn, out of style, or just fit me weirdly. A couple of items I had from Forever21 didn't fit me in the shoulder/arm pit area, which is actually a common theme among my sweaters: none of them fit me well, which sucks. I just want a warm and snugly sweater! 

First, I went to Plato's Closet to try and sell my clothes, and they took a lot less than I was expecting. I wanted at least $20, but they only took my vest and weird-fitting Forever21 black long sleeve crop top. I understand why they didn't take a lot of stuff, but there was a cobalt blue long sleeve Forever21 dress I'm surprised they rejected! Maybe they were just done with my shit lol. I took the dress home and lowered the weird-fitting shoulders to make it an off-the-shoulder dress, but it's a fancy dress and I don't go anywhere fancy so who knows when I'll actually get to wear it again. I donated almost everything else to Goodwill. I don't have the patience of my cousin, who has actually gone back to Plato's to sell things they previously rejected. 

While at Plato's, I also looked for a new pair of jeans because I don't actually have a pair of classic-colored denim jeans, but for a second-hand store, a lot of the jeans, e.g. Hollister and American Eagle, were still expensive. They were priced at $20+. I did a quick Google search, and I can get a new pair of Hollister jeans for $25. I chose the ones I could actually afford i.e. the $12 and under ones, only two of them fit. One of them was the one I mentioned in my intro and the other was a pair of worn darker Forever21 jeans. I decided to go home empty-handed, which turned out to be a smart decision because I only got $11.35 for my items. I was sad but accepted that it's okay to wear the same things everyday: quality > quantity. I'd rather spend my money on food. 

That didn't stop me from browsing Forever21's online store though. It brought me back to last year when I was desperately trying to find a cute and simple sweater dress. I finally found one on Wet Seal's website, but unfortunately they have since gone bankrupt. A lot of their clothes may have been trashy, but I liked them because their clothes actually fit me. I also got two outfits from Forever21 around the same time, but I actually had a full-time job back then so I didn't have to restrict myself to the sale/clearance section. Nothing really stood out to me from the sale section today. They were all too crazy, and I just wanted something versatile. Forever21 actually has a lot of nice basics, but they always sell out so quick and you have to filter through a lot of ugly stuff before you find them. I wish there was a store that only sold these items. One day I hope to have the capital to start this brand. Until then, here's to adopting a wardrobe more like Mark Zuckerburg and Steve Jobs's. 

Get You A Pair of Shoes That Can Do Both

Black is a good neutral color, but these sandals were silver AND gold.

I've unwillingly said goodbye to a lot of excellent pairs of shoes in the last two years including these. I got them at the kids' section (they were a Size 2 in case you're wondering) at Kmart and they lasted six years. I started wearing them after my favorite pair of silver braided sandals broke first year of college, and they have become my go-to sandals ever since. My mom yelled at me for always wearing the same raggedy shoe, but they were comfortable, stylish, and went with everything, so I wore them until they died. I also had to part ways with my navy Toms and blush flats after the New York rain destroyed them, a pair of torn white flats, and dirty cheap white sneakers I bought for $12 at H&M. Minus the white flats, those shoes went with everything.

I replaced the Toms with a new pair of floral gold ones, but I'm left with only one pair of childish black flats and a pair of uncomfortable black sandals because I sold a pair of glittery navy flats which were too big for me. I keep these around because there are no better options at the moment.

Because of the lack of dress shoes in my closet now, I'm forced to wear my nude pumps, which is a good thing, but they're so uncomfortable (I also have a pair of nude and hot pink flats, but hot pink doesn't really go well with a lot of things). As far as the other heels in my closet, I gave away the ones that weren't versatile, including a pair of navy & green pumps I started my fashion blog with. Some of them were also old, but most importantly, they weren't flexible or comfortable (I saved my wedges and a great pair of pointed low black heels because I've worn them on more than one occasion and they haven't killed me).

While it's good to give away shoes you don't wear (and not buy them in the first place), it's really sad when you're forced to throw away a pair you love because of wear and tear. Those are truly the great fashion purchases.

*Honorable mention to my tennis shoes, which I am starting to wear more because I don't care as much about how I look now*

🔥

I shot with three outfits on this day, but this one was by far my favorite because I actually accessorized and put on makeup. My red lip, hoop earrings, and tattoo choker really make the monotone grey look pop. I've worn these jeans since college, and I made the crop top myself from an old t-shirt. Even though I'm a skinny bitch, I still had to suck in my stomach for this photo because I would look bloated otherwise. Visible abs are a myth-I don't know how anyone can obtain them. I've wanted hoop earrings for a while now, and I finally got them when Wet Seal went out of business. I really wanted the gold ones, but they sold out, so I had to settle for rose gold, which unfortunately doesn't go well with my other jewelry. The tattoo choker was recently reintroduced into my wardrobe thanks to current fashion trends. It really brings the edgy outfit together. Last but least, I threw on a pair of black flats for comfort and ease because I never highlight or photograph the shoes in any of my outfits.

Life Imitates Art

My Favorite Pair of Shorts

I got these H&M shorts a year ago for only $7. I think I also got a 15% discount for bringing in my old clothes to recycle. They were originally $17.95, making it another style deal! (I've been saving the tag to do this post lol). I love how the color is bright but subtle at the same time. They go perfectly with my printed top also from H&M, which I featured in my Spring 2016 Lookbook. I tucked the blouse in the shorts for a fitted look and added on large pearls to bring attention back to my face which took a backseat to the bold print of the blouse. Some might call these booty shorts, but I love how they actually fit my body and hug my non-existent curves. To finish the look, I'll throw on my favorite pair of sandals and only pair of sunglasses!